Hello ujju,
I wanted to write this in response to what your most recent post says. I too have thought about no longer living / no longer being here due to the difficulties gambling has brought me. Another similarity I have with you is that I am also in debt around 100 grand total more or less (to be honest, I’ve probably lost over a million dollars total since I first gambled which was as early as elementary (gambling for very small amounts for fun) (middle school is when I had my first real loss, which was somewhere around 100 dollars). It is an unfortunate addiction because I am not the type to gamble every day or every time I have money, I am the type to relapse every couple of months or maybe once or twice a year but those relapses are costly because I play until I lose every last dollar (many times I have had to use change for gas or food, or of course resorted to borrowing from people, which hurt me because I know they needed that money).
Let me say this though, no amount of money is worth us taking our lives over. If you think about it, we cannot take money with us when we die / go to the grave, so to give it so much value is deceptive in itself. Even if we were to leave a large amount of money for our loved ones for after we pass away, there is no telling what they will do with it or what can happen to it (they can easily lose it to some sort of misfortune, tragedy, mishap, or some other negative happening taking place).
I also wanted to add this. Yes, we may have 50, 100, 200 grand of debt (more or less), but if you think about it, if we quit now and work a decent or good paying job, we can have that paid off technically in a year or two, maybe three, and there are people who are doing prison time for 10, 20 plus years who can’t work a salaried/paid job/career at all.
Even then, money is not worth taking our life over, nothing is, as we are all guaranteed death anyway, so we must do what good we can while we are here.
Lastly, I wanted to reiterate that I thought about not living too as a result of the stresses that came about or worsened due to the gambling losses, but I also realize that God exposed in me that I cared about and praised money more than Him. I also valued trying to be a financial/resource savior for others more than I valued Him, and that is something in me that needs changing (that process may be happening at this very moment). I still have less than 100 dollars to my name at the moment, and ironically, multiple tasks that requires finances have come up, and I have not been able to do them on my own (this made me realize how much I try to refrain from asking others for help), but this has been an opportunity for me to realize that I am putting too much value on something monetary and temporary. Greed and not wanting to work hard or work at all for money has been an issue for me. Anywho, I think both you and I can see better days if we stop the gambling, and start living in more thoughtful, God driven ways. Be well.