I just saw this IG post saying that everyday we’re presented with two choices we evolve or we repeat. So true though. My grandma was a spiritualist she raised me to see that our souls are entities that are here on earth to relearn what they did not learn and grow from in there past life. One thing that I lost immensely in the last 2 years has been my “spirtual outlet”. I was also raised with first nations culture so I have a combination of old English spiritualism and beliefs based on the creator and natural ways of living and connecting to everything in nature. I used to practice sweat ceremonies, and smudge daily, I was always surfing and hiking in nature. I’ve always been an open book person though and would take a little bit from every spirtual or religious practice that there is out there. I always could see that there was something to learn from everyone’s views on those things.The therapist I chose is actually someone who based his practice around taosim which is huge for me as I honor many of those philosophies. He smiled the first day he saw me as he recognized that I have a huge ohm symbol tattooed on my chest. I put it there so everytime I looked in the mirror it makes me see that I need to connect to my spirtual side. But the last 2 years I didn’t look in the mirror much. I didn’t like my reflection anymore so I stopped looking other than seeing an external body. I stopped looking at who I was inside because frankly that person inside has been dead. I stopped surfing, I didn’t go hiking as frequently as I used to. I stopped practicing any form of spirtual stuff. I literally just went to work, came home went on my phone and gambled or watched TV. Now mind you we were all forced to live a pretty isolated life the last 2 years but I could of done more. I live in one of the most beautiful places in the world and instead of soaking in the beauty it has to offer. I shackled myself to this addiction from hell. I have the most insane view where I’m living right now. Everyday now I get up and I have a huge view of open ocean with a bunch of farm animals in front of it. Mostly sheep and dogs hearding them around but it’s almost fairy tale like. Last summer I had my own private beach with a huge house now losing that wasn’t my fault. My aunt wanted her half of her inheritance so I had to give it up but something broke in me giving that home up. My entire life had been in that home. I would sit for hours in this huge art studio my grandpa build just painting away and going through all his artwork ( he died when I was born) but he was the most amazing artist. I guess you could say the moment I closed that door behind be me the grief came flying out. Now I’m feeling it alot because I stopped gambling to numb out. I’m finally starting to feel like myself again even if it is a bit more emotional and messy right now.
