Hi Sad
I think you probably know the answers to your questions but wish that you didn’t.
Has your husband ever sought help for his addiction, does he even accept that he has a problem?
There is help for him Sad and it is possible for him to learn to control his addiction and live a wonderful gamble-free life but he has to accept and seek the help.
‘If’ you lent him the money to cover his gambling debts, it is a sad fact, I would go so far as to say a certainly, that he would see it as a green light to carry on gambling, deluded by addiction into believing that only in gambling will he ever escape reality. I doubt you would ever see that money again. A compulsive gambler does not think of money in the same way as you or me – money, to a gambler, is a means to an end and the end is ‘the gamble’. Your husband cannot win because he cannot walk away from ‘the gamble’ and it has nothing to do with money.
In my opinion, your husband should seek help from dedicated therapists and counsellors – on this site we are able to offer both and also to offer direction to other forms of support. We have, for instance, got the most amazing rehab facility in the UK, Gordon Moody. We also offer a fantastic Helpline that would willingly support your husband, they understand the addiction and they will also understand the desperation he is feeling right now. We have ‘gambler only’ support groups facilitated by Charles who will understand all that your husband is going through.
Many gamblers feel that nobody can understand them, they do not want to behave as they do but they do not know how to stop. Your husband is far from alone but he will probably think that he is.
I believe that giving him money, with conditions, will have achieve nothing apart from creating more debt. Your husband probably believes that he can sort his problem out with just one more loan, he would probably promise anything to get one but sadly, the word of a compulsive gambler counts for very little.
I would like very much if you could join me in a Friends and Family group where we could ‘talk’ in real time.
I am going to leave this initial reply and hopefully hear from you again soon. I would not be talking to you Sad, if I thought that your husband could not change his life but I know that he can.
I know he can be the man you want him to be and the man he would want to be. It takes dedication and hard work but if can be done.
You did well writing this first post, it can’t have been easy.
Speak soon
Velvet