Thanks guys for your kind words. I hope you guys are doing well to ? Being vulnerable is the hardest part makes me feel icky lol. I’m so sorry for your loss vintagehoby. I lost my mom when I was 11 and never new my biological father so I completely understand what your talking about. My grandma raised me and I watched her die right in my hands about 4 years ago now. I literally was holding her hand when she passed. Fd me right up man. I was a careaid for 10 years and delt with hospice/palliative care all the time but she was technically my mom so it hit differently.Depression unfortunately is a huge prerequisite for addiction thats why we’re looking for that “dopamine high” unconsciously of course. It’s not like we all woke up one day and decided hey let’s make gambling our antidepressant right. I just started laughing to myself because I’m so used to being around just males now since I work in trades so I’ve learned to become more hardened since I left the healthcare field. Showing this much emotion and crying makes me feel like a wimp but I also forget sometimes that I’m still an emotionally charged female I just have some thicker skin from being broke down by my old school Foreman. You show any emotion or weakness and they will break you in half. I always hated that machoism bs and now here I am trying to convince myself it’s OK to express my feelings they literally beat the soft out of me lol.
