Im glad you have that close relationship with your family it’s important. Support is huge for us. It takes time to be honest it has for me but I’ve had alot of practice from my past endeavors admitting my wrongs to.
It definitely was hard admitting that I screwed up to my stepmom. I had told my Dad about 6 months ago I had a gambling problem and he kept it to himself I just figured he understood being an addict himself. I reworded my last post wrong when I said they didn’t no how much money I lost. That was the part I admitted the other night was that my inheritance was gone except for a small amount im living on right now. There’s alot of shame telling anyone I lost 100s of thousands and ended it debt again. God just writing that makes me want to throw up. I still can’t process how I managed to do that so fast. It’s not easy releasing this shit out at all. Telling people is the hardest part. The reactions especially from whom your spouse is will always be the worst. I’ve been in alot of addiction based relationships before and have stuck buy trying to get a few of my exes help with substance abuse. The last one I successfully quit with because we both needed help. I did leave the relationships eventually because the people were not getting help and became abusive or started using again. I honestly don’t blame my husband for leaving. He’s been sober and clean for 11 years and to watch me lie and mess up over and over with gambling was a huge trust breaker. The fact that my addiction took me to that dark of a place is scarey as fuck. Somehow during it I rationalized that it wouldn’t hurt him as it was my own money I was losing. The money I got for inheritance was supposed to buy us a new home. I ruined both our lives. This is what rock bottom looks like I literally tied my own anchors to my feet. The nice part is my family/friends/husband understand how I got to this point. They no my history and trauma so they see why I ended up this way so they no I wasn’t self destructing for no reason. I’ve been suicidal all my life to and I’d being lying if I said I didn’t think about going out the easy way so I dont have to feel the pain I’m in anymore but I’m choosing to fight my ass off to make my life into something right now. Pain is inevitable but suffering is optional is the saying. I figure I only have to suffer if I continue to let myself so instead I chose HOPE which I learned in my other support groups means hold on pain ends. I’m laughing at myself writing these sayings but sometimes words are all I have to keep my head straight. Anyways on to another day. Stay positive to whoever may read this things can get better if we put the work in.