Hey Scott,
I’m happy your posting here instead of hiding it thats the best thing to do. Now your starting to recognize the unmanageable part of having the disease part of addiction. To be honest the reason I stopped was because my husband called me on it. Usually it takes a good shake or scare of losing something or someone to really snap us out if it. Not in all cases of course but it certainly helps to reset our brains to be like ok if I don’t stop now where am I going to be in the future. My stepmom told me a story of her uncle last night how he gambled away his house, his wife,his kids everything. It took him years to stop and when he finally did he ended up getting remarried and had his kids again, and he bought another home eventually. I’m in the process of trying to regain my husband’s trust thats going to take time and I’m willing to wait for him to heal from my mistakes. We have to take responsibility in what were doing and look at the harm it’s doing outside of ourselves to really get that smash in the face wake up call. Addiction stems from so many things I found right away that I was running from a traumatic or many trauma related things that started my gambling problem. Now I’m starting to feel those things and man it fucking sucks but I no that I have to fix those problems in my unconscious mind to be free from needing ” something” to stop those painful memories/ feelings ect. I truly hope you keep writing here and really try to find someone in your area you can connect with.