I feel you,there is something thats telling you to stop but you just cant.Indeed its like angel and deamon fighting eachother.I said it many times,i really cant believe how much i changed since i started with gambling.I literaly had a moments like,when im not playing my right hand starts shaking for no reason and there is just this urge to play,to get this dopamine through gambling.I never went to any meetings,this is the first time im telling someone about my problem,really nobody knows about it,and im scared as hell to admit it but i feel that at some point time will come to admit it to my girfriend because i really cannot lie anymore.I have mood swings all the time,and when she asks me why im sad,i just say that i have problem on work or some stupid shit.
Coming here really helped me because as you said we are not alone and it makes this recovery slightly better,but at the end we need to do it ourselves.
