Hey thanks for your message. I feel ya its a super tough process realizing the extend of our addiction. That’s why I called it the trance from hell because that’s what it feels like when your sitting there pushing the stupid button over and over and your hands getting numb. I’ve had times where the “healthy” part of me is screaming inside my head to stop. It really is like a angel and demon at war with each other. Through my other recovery journey I learned the signs of my doctor Jeckel Mr hide moments. The bad version ( or the addict verson) always comes out when I’m hiding and not getting the support I need. I sat in NA and AA rooms for Years then I pulled away especially near the beginning of covid. That’s when my bad side of myself started flourishing. I wasn’t talking anymore I was just silent and angry inside. I guess the best part is knowing we’re not alone in this journey.
