Hi lj
I too am sorry that there is so little traffic in this forum at the moment but I look at it everyday and I find myself smiling when I read your recent posts. I know that many people read the forum without joining in.
I think it is great that your husband ‘asked’ you if he could do some squares and didn’t just do them without telling you. Complacency is the biggest danger a gambler faces when he first starts achieving his gamble-free life and you have understood that. It is a massive step when a gambler will ‘discuss’ a gambling thought, without acting on it first, it implies that he trusts you and as I think I have said before it is important that he learns to trust.
I didn’t realise how big a step I was taking when I realised that the gambler in my life needed to trust me – I had always assumed he automatically must do so. In early recovery he couldn’t know whether I was thinking about all that had gone before, ready to criticise and point out his faults, or whether I too, was embracing his recovery and my own.
I trust the gambler in my life to protect the recovery that he has fought so hard to get and I find I can live with that thought, very comfortably.
Talking calmly isn’t always easy when the gambling conversation arises in the early days – it takes a long time for it to be a subject like any other, just a conversation that doesn’t cause concern. I know it can happen though which is why I am here.
I like the expression that, ‘you have made your partner part of your recovery’ and I hope you will not mind but I can hear myself using it in the future.
Keep going as you are lj, you are doing great.
Speak soon
Velvet