Day 3 post. So I’ve been reaching out to several online gambling forums but not getting any responses but thats ok I understand it’s not the same as being in person communicating with people. I am finding just writing things out so its in the open and not jn my swirling brain is helping alot. I had a stressor today bombing badly on one of my exams. I walked in with the worst anxiety attack I’ve ever had. Even though I no the stuff I was being tested on I just blanked I was staring at a blank screen. Before I new it an hour and a half was up and I’d only manged to click about 12 answers out of 25. I don’t even no how I managed that. When my class regrouped one of the guys had bombed bad to he started stressing out and then started discussing how he was going to place bets on sports. He was talking loudly how he didn’t even remember placing one he had done last night and another guy piped up and said sounds like you got a gambling problem. His reply was not if your winning lol. Man I wanted to say something so bad there but I just shut my mouth as I was in a room full of tradesmen and the last thing I needed was to cause a scene about talking about addiction. I’m in no place yet to even start doing a twelve step with someone right now im just trying to keep my own shit together. I did however feel better knowing that I probably would of run to the bathroom and played slots just like that guy was betting so I felt instant progress with myself. Just feeling my loss and bad grade and moving on with it. Water off a ducks back as the saying goes. Now I just have to figure out how to get my anxiety to screw off because it’s really affecting my everyday life right now. I try meditation, I deep breathe so much I feel like my lungs are exploding sometimes by how often I have to do it. Anyways another day down.
