What I’m desperately trying to work out is, you know that terrible feeling ‘the morning after’ when you’ve gambled absolutely everything and there’s really nothing left. You know how awful you feel – letting yourself down, failing to fight the desire to gamble and yet we still do it. Almost in defiance of ‘that feeling’ of failure. We fly in the face of it. Yet – we still do it. How? Why? Am I that self-destructive. Yes, I must be. Because I would love to be the person that says “I’m on my ??? day of not gambling’. I want that feeling more than the feeling of desperation, hopelessness, weak mindedness, self let down…. Don’t I?
