well so i relapsed again. this time felt different. one gambling session turned into a few days of gambling .I once again had a good day gambling and was well up and then lost it all again the next day. i wasnt focussed at work because I knew I was up and had money there to gamble. I was on my phone the entire time playing slots etc and then by the morning I lost it all. this happens everytime. Even when im up, i dont stop or cash out. Ive been watching videos to try find out if this will ever be cured or if my brain has been shaped in a way that is so severly addicted now that it doesnt want to stop. But here I am again on day 1 disappointed in myself. Christmas around the corner and stressing about presents etc. I will take it a day at a time for now but I know this is my last time relapsing. It has to be. the stress it puts me through is unlike any other stress ive ever experienced. I even sweat and my heart is racing while im losing and trying to chase my losses back. My hands were shaking at work while playing..
I will see the rest of this year out without gambling and 2022 will be a good year for me, i know it. looking forward to get 2 weeks gamble-free under my belt before 2022. im taking the step of ordering an eftpos card and cancelling my debit card. having a debit card has been the worst thing to ever happen to me and Ive been wanting to take this step for a long time. now is the time. Feel free to share anything you guys are going through and I would be more than happy to read through