I’m so upset about the money, but that’s gone and I can earn more. I’m just so livid about the joy that I wanted to say it stole from me, but no that I chose to give away to gambling. I am so humiliated I can’t look a single person in the eyes for the past 4 days because I’m scared they’ll be able to see the ugliness inside of me. All day at work avoiding and then the worst part is when I go home and feel the same. And they have the whole truth and want to try to love me through this. I hope I change so it is all worth it for them. The joy that I give away to gambling even once I’m done. I have a date with my daughter tomorrow I hope I can muster up the excitement she deserves. I have been here before I know it gets easier but I don’t know if I want it to because in the past that is a beginning of another go around in the ring with my demon. Not this time!! This time I won’t get back in the ring, at least not today one day at a time.
