Just wanted to get some messed up thoughts out of my head. As much peace I know I will have once I have finally let go of this demon the thought of saying never again scares me. I’m in this abusive relationship with gambling where I remember all the good times just to get punched around again and again. And worst of all I have become the emotional abuser to the people who I really love. All the passion I’ve put in my demon has been devastating misplaced. I hope to see the day when they are finally getting what they deserve from me and not the bs that I have left for them once I come limping home with my tail between my legs. They greet me with love and forgiveness that I don’t deserve and so far I just take that back to the casino. Not again. Not today at least one day at a time. Today the emotions are coming a lot of tears shed. Hopefully the ones that will finally show me that this is rock bottom. Tears that can float me another day further from my self destruction. I listened to a podcast today that suggested I never forget this pain. Don’t dwell but don’t forget. I hope I can always heed this advice
