generally, I am optimistic, but on some days like today, I am feeling so sad and depressed. I just need to sleep and let this day pass hoping tomorrow will be better.
I always was a competitive person, I was very successful at school and at work but this addiction put me years behind everyone. and I am in my mid-thirties and still not married, don’t have kids, this aspect causes me to try to rush things up, and rushing up didn’t work for the last 3 years. it has to be a slow and stable recovery.
I always had these big ambitions: a better job, owning my own business…etc but I am feeling I have to admit that these are the cards that are in my hand now, and this is what life gave me. I have to play it as it is. it is not the best hand that I wish to have for this short life. but this is what I got, I have to play and I have to enjoy the game as well. even if I know that it is a losing game. I have to reduce my ambitions to make it look like a win.
it is f**** depressing to look at it from my perspective as an atheist, I got this short life to live and then I will vanish forever as if this is not hard enough to deal with… I have added to the mix this f**** addiction!!!
as I can see I am losing the game of life, the bar is getting lower and lower, and I am getting older, and it looks like I am walking in my place.
I have to stop cursing the game and try to enjoy it using the few cards that I got.
- This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by Dark Energy.
- This reply was modified 4 years, 11 months ago by Dark Energy.