Hi Hema
I have also known the sadness of being driven crazy by gambling and I was also told the importance of looking after myself. It never seemed an adequate solution and of course it isn’t in itself. How could it stop my loved one gambling? Well of course, it didn’t – but what it did do was help me to cope and gave me the strength to make good decisions that were right for me and ultimately right for him.
Gambling has been around for ever and will always be – there will always be people who recognize the vulnerability of addicted gamblers and who use it for their own ends.
Many people enjoy gambling and it doesn’t harm them or their loved ones; they do it responsibly and can walk away equally from wins and losses. Sadly, for some, this is not the case. Your husband will not want to be a compulsive gambler, no man would ever choose to be. It is not his fault or yours that he has this problem. He would probably love nothing more than to enjoy a gamble and then walk away and think no more about it.
You and I will change nothing in the great scheme of things but what we can do is not let gambling destroy us. If we allow it to pull us down then it has won and that is not something I am prepared to let happen and I hope you will feel the same.
You can make a difference by being strong, gaining knowledge of his addiction and coping. Nobody can tell you it will be easy but it is easier when are in control of your own life. If you give your husbands addiction control of your life then you cannot save yourself or your children.
Ask him to help you support him; ask him what he wants you to do when you are looking after the finances and he demands money. Help him to realise that you need support too.
Please keep posting and maybe drop into an F&F group so we can ‘talk’ in real time.
Velvet