Hi Lind
Compulsive gamblers are not intrinsically bad people, but their poor behaviour often causes heartbreak to those who love them.
I do not seek to excuse you husband’s behaviour but I think it helps to understand certain aspects of the addiction to gamble and the accompanying lies.
In the early days, your husband will probably have joined friends or family in a harmless bet without realising that for him there was no such thing as harmless. He would not have known that he had a problem until it was too late and the cover-up lies had become common place. Lie often follows lie, as failures mount up, until truth is lost. I suspect, he will not like what he has become and equally he will not know how to do anything differently. The lying is probably the only method of coping your husband feels he has.
A compulsion to gamble is not about money, it is ‘the gamble’ that matters. However, every gamble fuels thoughts of more gambling and it is inevitable that losses follow. Every loss triggers the need to ‘gamble’ again and so it goes on.
It will be hard to piece your life together again but you have made a positive start. I think it is great that you are still talking to your husband and that you have erected barriers to protect your finances and your health. Maybe you could direct him towards Gamblers Anonymous (GA), or this site where we have fantastic resources for him. We have an excellent Helpline available for both of you; we have Gambler Only groups facilitated by Charles who will understand your husband and support him; there is also the Gordon Moody (GM) rehab in the UK which is excellent.
It would be great to chat to you in real time, I facilitate the Friends and Family group on Tuesday and Thursday evenings between 7 and 8pm. Nothing said in the group appears on the forum, it is private and safe.
Keep posting Lind, I know the aftermath is extremely tough and I believe that talking to those who have been there helps tremendously.
Velvet