Hi izzi,
Well done on the almost 4 months clean time.
It is fear that has led you back out and it is fear from both yourself and your partner which is leaving you both to arguing and causing distress within the relationship.
Ultimately you did gamble not too long ago and the consequences of that is that your partner has been left feeling doubtful again. However, it is not helpful nor conducive to moving forward to keep bringing up the past in this manner. Trust does not return easily also which needs to be understood.
My sponsor reminds me that self pity is not going to help me and will lead me back out.
As far as finances are concerned. I never gave up my finances and neither did my husband want me to. He is not so controlling as me. I did however stay accountable by showing him our balance now and again and accounted for every penny. Action and full transparency is needed to built up the trust. I placed all the money into a no access account and we are in the process of now completing the purchase of our family home.
Izzi I would recommend you attend some zoom meetings to hear what other CGs have faced and how many have stayed clean for years and decades.
Here is the link –
I would be happy to share my story. My name is Sofie on the meetings. I hope to see you there soon.
All the best