When a cancer patient beats cancer, it’s considered heroic. When an alcoholic has been sober for a long time, it’s considered commendable. A compulsive gambler doesn’t share this social empathy. Ours is a private and lonely struggle.
Condidering this lack of social empathy, one has to ask, Is compuslive gambling really a “disease” as some call it? Is it an addiction?
For the longest time, I didn’t believe so, even though I displayed the precise traits of being just that – addicted. But after witnessing my behavior so many times, the bulb finally -finally!!! – lit.
Heres the thing, what most people who’ve never had an addiction don’t realize is that the most debilitating factor of addiction in not the physical aspect, but the mental.
Let’s take an alcoholic. Is he/she physically dependent? Sure, but after several days, the physical addiction is gone. So now he/she is cured, right? Will never drink again. But they do and in far higher percentages than don’t. Why is this? What seperates a no longer physically addicted alcoholic wanting a drink to a compulsive gambler desiring his/her fix? Nothing. We’re no different in virtually every addiction criteria.
And here’s the thing, understanding this actually gives me strength and hope. It helps me to feel less bat-shit crazy. It helps me to understand why while in the throes of my franctic gambling binges I behaved so contrary to my nature. It also helps me appreciate that if I slip (God willing, I don’t) that I must try to rectify my course as soon as possible and proceed with my recovery.
Luckily though, Mercedes, we’re not truly alone in this. We do have other, fellow compuslive gamblers who understand in spades. We’re actually not alone, even though it sure as hell feels like it.