I turn into a psychopath when I gamble!
Do psychopaths feel shame, guilt, remorse or even anger?
The theory is that they are void of all feelings.
Sometimes, ( not always), I have no feelings when I gamble. How scary is that!
Win or lose, I eventually become totally numb.
When I throw down my crutch and being walking on broken legs (metaphorically), the pain returns and doubt about feelings begins to fade, as I wobble forward towards a more rational place.
I think when we are in the throes of the addiction, Dancaster, our thinking becomes so distorted that we will believe only what allows us to continue on the path of destruction, desensitized to all feeling for anything or anyone, ourselves included.
In the aftermath of a gambling binge what dominates my thinking is “how do I cover my tracks” or (worst case scenario), “where can I lay my hands on more ammunition to pursue the loss!” Are these thoughts governed by “normal” feelings? I think not!
Moral of the story…don’t trust your feelings! Measure those feelings against reason and judgement and see how flawed a CG’s thinking has become . Feelings, at the best of times and especially in relation to addiction have lead me up many blind alleys.
I do not see myself as an unfortunate victim of circumstances.
I see myself a a person with free will ( albeit a power that has the potential to enslave me), but only if I make the wrong choices!
Today I can permit myself to choose freedom or slavery.
That choice is mine! Acting on feelings is not always the answer!
