Hi Penny
Well done getting all your family members to help their brother by refusing to enable his addictiom. Secrecy makes it easier for a gambler to manipulate individual family members who naively think that they are the only one doing the right thing by ‘helping’ their troubled loved one out. A united front saying ‘no’ makes enablement harder and hopefully brings about a quicker awakening to reality.
I think it would be a great idea to let your brother know that you are all aware of his problem. Would it be possible to have an intervention meeting with all his siblings, thus bringing his secret out into the open and paving the way for a mature conversation about him taking responsibility for his life by paying rent and helping with the bills. Let him know that you are united in refusing enablement but that you all care and are willing to support him in all the ‘right ways’ to becoming gamble-free. Is he the youngest sibling?
Your brother can control his addiction Penny, or I would not be here writing to you. If it were possible to ‘do it alone’, sites like this and GA would not be necessary, after all, why try going it alone when you don’t have to. I have never heard of any gambler who has successfully controlled his addiction without support.
How about suggesting he calls our Helpline or joins one of our ‘gambler only’ groups, after all, if he is so sure he can control his gambling what has he got to lose Everything on this site is anonymous so he can ask any question he likes and put forward any point of view without fear of recognition. He can pit his wits against other gamblers who have either accepted their problem and are striving towards a gamble-free life or who are in control of their addiction but are more than willing to share with those who are still struggling.
It is obviously not helping him that his only outlet is with people who talk about ‘winnings’, some of which might be true but of course gamblers rarely discuss their losses. Maybe he could be encouraged to tell his team that he has a gambling problem. There is nothing for him to be ashamed about, he neither asked for or wanted this problem and it is possible that other members of his team have similar concerns.
I will leave this first reply here Penny and wait to hear from you again. It would be great to ‘meet’ you in an F&F group, the next one is on Thursday evening. We could communicate in real time; it is private and nothing said between us would appear on the forum.
Velvet