After the last week of trying and failing, and waking the next day to despair and regret, I have decided to try to wake each morning feeling proud and joyful that I made the right choice the day before. My days off are my biggest challenge because I cant stay busy forever, and with covid still having us on emergency protocol here, there is really nowhere to go. As mentioned, I had found a way around my blockers on my phone, and at the last binge decided that enough was enough and closed all accounts that were available. I will now have to search, verify and open more if I want to fall, and that will take hopefully enough time to stop myself. I am keeping busy in the evening either cleaning or making some food for the next day, so my idle time is minimized. The days off are going to be the challenge, and my plan is to start with not taking my phone of of my purse and keeping it on another part of the house. I have some down time today before I go in but have lots planned and little time to ruin my good day. I feel like I am at the mid part of the giant mountain, with a cliff separating where I stand from where i want to go. I can try to go back down but it is not a good climb down- it is a drop. Up is the only way to go, it will be hard, but not impossible, I just have to keep climbing a little at a time.
