Hi Purple
I must have missed the bit where you demeaned yourself for snooping – the only thing I read was a person trying to get the truth when they were being lied to.
It is quite a story – son saves mother and now son can throw the past back at mother whilst using her situation to deflect his own poor behaviour, however, the mother cannot support her son because he saved her!
I like the analogy of the beast of a man/child. I think it is good to treat an addiction as a beast, lying in the corner of the room waiting for any words that threaten it. I know that too many words give the gambler more opportunity to twist them so I suggest you keep your punches brief – if you mean it when you say that your “answer was that as long as he does it and looks at it as a sacrifice for ME, he isn’t ready to quit. And I don’t want him back until that day. And when and if that day comes, it will involve actions this time” is brilliant provided you keep to it and don’t allow further too-ing and fro-ing – gamblers generally relish arguments giving them the chance to twist, blame and demoralise.
I think it is important for you to know what you intend to do if you cannot carry your words through. Don’t get caught by finding yourself with a sudden rush of forgiveness, think in advance so that you do not give the upper hand back to his addiction. It isn’t easy but refusing the addiction to gamble, of someone you love, in your life will never be easy.
It seems to me that he thinks he has all the answers to deflect you from his addiction and I think you are doing really well not rising to his unpleasant words because that is all they are Purple – they are words spoken by an addiction.
It is impossible, in my opinion, for FF to handle living with a compulsive gambler ‘perfectly’. Those who love gambling addicts can spend years doing the wrong things for all the right reasons but you are doing well.
I do know why you dumped this in cyber-space and I am glad that you have.
Please keep posting
Velvet