HI Amy
Well done writing your first post, I know how hard it is.
It is usual for F&F to do all the wrong things for all the right reasons when they are unaware; very few people are really aware of how addiction works unless it affects them directly by which time it has often consumed their lives and the problems seem insurmountable.
Has your boyfriend ever sought help with his addiction? There is a lot of good support nowadays if he should choose to face his demons and live gamble-free – if he couldn’t control his addiction, I wouldn’t be writing to you now.
You are right that it is not the money that is the addiction, money is the means to the end – the ‘gamble’ is all important.
The addiction to gamble causes depression. The nature of the addiction is that the gambler will always lose and therefore constantly feel they have failed. Constant feeling of failure destroys confidence and self-esteem.
It is great that he is playing football, many gamblers give up hobbies and pursue their addiction to the exclusion of all else. Does he bet on sports or watch them for pleasure?
In my opinion, your boyfriend blew his chance of a holiday when he chose to gamble the saved money – you did not make that choice. He is responsible for his choice and his loss. Having said all that, I cannot tell you what to do.
Is there a point to you looking after his money? Gamblers who ask loved ones to take over their finances are hopefully trying to control their addiction and I believe they should be encourage because it is a terrific support to a gambler who wants to live gamble-free. However, your boyfriend is abusing your support and that is not fair on you. If you know you can carry the threat through, try and have a calm conversation when he is being ’sweet’; remind him that he asked you to help him and that you are happy to do so but only if he doesn’t demand money back. If you feel you cannot keep to this arrangement, then don’t make the offer – his addiction is manipulative and sees broken threats from F&F as a green light to carry on regardless.
I am going to stop there in this my first reply Amy because there is a lot to think about. It would be great if you could pop in to an F&F group on a Tuesday or a Thursday evening between 10 pm and 11 pm. Nothing said in the group appears on the forum.
Velvet
