HI Grace
I am sorry to read of your father’s diagnosis, you have certainly got more than your fair shares of difficult life-changing worries at this time.
You are suggesting that an unselfish person would have asked her partner to move back home so that she could support him through his problems whilst taking a step back in their relationship. However, offering home comforts to recommence, whilst telling your partner that you are willing to take a step back, is generally a recipe for disaster for both parties.
It is not unknown for a compulsive gambler, who is working on controlling his addiction, to refuse to return home however willing the partner is to change and support.
A compulsive gambler does not want to be a compulsive gambler and in fact they generally hate who they have become so I don’t use the expression ‘a new man’ to describe a being that did not exist before but to describe a man who has had the courage to find, within himself, the man ‘he’ wants to be, the man who is not weighed down with the heavy burden of addiction. I would never suggest that a compulsive gambler in recovery hides his scars, in a true recovery scars heal and have no need to be hidden.
I believe that your all-consuming feelings come from your confusing relationship, the worsening condition of your father and your daughter’s day-to-day needs. Everything has piled up and it is natural that you want your partner to step up and support you. Unfortunately, your partner cannot take responsibility for the things that matter in your life at the moment, whilst it appears that he is unable to take responsibility for his own.
I am not sure whether you are suggesting that the separation you have at the moment is final but it seems to me, that whatever the future holds, it would be good that you use this time to regain control of your own life; time to give your father attention; time to enjoy your daughter and time to do the things that please you.
I hope this goes someway to helping you.
Velvet
