Hi Emkae
At no time will anybody here ever tell you to stay or to leave – such a decision must be yours but decisions are best made when they are informed, so I am pleased you have started your thread – knowledge of your husband’s addiction will help you cope.
Waving appointments with psychologists and doctors around is not actually doing anything towards seeking help and it seems to me that your husband is procrastinating in the hope that you will stop questioning him, leaving him free to indulge his addiction.
Your post certainly suggests that your husband is not committed to change but this is probably because he is afraid of what will happen if he seeks help.
I don’t know what has happened in your lives but it is common for active CGs to blame those who love them because it deflects responsibility for their poor behaviour. It is almost certain that his addiction causes his depression and you are to blame. He lives with failure because his addiction means he will always lose.
I think it is important that you don’t threaten to leave your husband unless you are absolutely positive that you have the means and the determination to carry your threat through. Every time a threat is not carried out, the words become meaningless and an active CG will feel safe to gamble without consequences. You still love your husband so I am thinking that leaving him is not at the forefront of your mind.
Maybe you could download the Gamblers Anonymous 20-questions from their website and leave them for your husband to see. I don’t suggest handing them to him because it could cause an argument but if he sees them, then it might show him that not only are you seeking support but that there is support for him too.
I am sorry that he rejected your offer to handle the finances – many CGs who want to change their lives do hand them over willingly.
Do you have family to support you? I know it is difficult asking for support from people who do not understand what it is like to live with the addiction to gamble – I think the most common reaction is to say ‘leave’ and I don’t think that is what you want. In my onion it is good to ask for support but to say that you don’t want opinions on your relationship as you are getting support for that elsewhere.
I hope you will keep posting, please ask any questions and I will do my best to answer them. We have a brilliant Helpline here too if either you or your husband want to communicate one-to-one. Everything on this site is anonymous and you are welcome to take all the support we offer.
Velvet
