I’m really sorry that you and your family are suffering through your Dad’s gambling problem.
I hope you don’t mind me writing here, I am a Dad, (and a Granddad), who is also a compulsive gambler.
You have obviously done a bit of research into gambling addiction/problem gambling/compulsive gambling, whatever you choose to call it.
I think by what you have said about your Dad and his behavior he most certainly does need help and support, and in my opinion, help and support for a CG, (compulsive gambler), does not come any better than that on offer at the residential programme. It helped me to stop gambling, and believe me I’ve done all the things that you’ve mentioned your Dad has done.
He is not the only person to act in this inexplicable and outrageous way I’m afraid.
I would often go absent from my family, it was part of my routine when I’d gone overboard, running away and leaving others to have my mess rubbed in their faces. I have been homeless lots of times in my life, and I have also been to prison more than once. When I was gambling nothing or no one meant anything to me. Only gambling. I wasn’t deliberately going out of my way to hurt people although I knew I was hurting them. The only thing to block out the pain of knowing I was hurting people was to gamble more, I wasn’t gambling to hurt them, rather I was gambling to escape from the pain I would have suffered by hurting them. But of course now I’d hurt them even more, so I gambled even more.
Its very hard to explain exactly what is going through your head when you gamble, but please know that how ever weird, peculiar, pathetic or strange you find his behavior that anybody is capable of learning to live their life without gambling. Anybody can change.
Sadly Chelsea, you may have read, that there is very little anybody can do to talk an addict into quitting.
There is a lot more awareness of problem gambling these days, and some expert help available. However until the addicted person can actually understand that they can change, and take their own steps to seeks support. Until then, the best support in the world wouldn’t help.
I had/have a very supportive family and over the decades that I gambled many many people have helped me in every possible way. People genuinely wanted to help, lots of people have given or lent me money, many more have given me a roof over my head, a meal when I’ve had no money. At the time I thought this was great and just what I needed. The people who helped me were convinced they were doing the best by me.
Sadly now when I look back, and reminisce with those that have stood me about “those days” we both agree that the best help would have been to have left me to face all the consequences of my actions.
However nobody invites addiction into their lives. So on the first encounter with addiction how is anybody supposed to know how best to help?
I know through personal experience that there is a great deal of help available to people in your position, people in my family attended Gam-anon, and my partner used this forum a lot. She gained a great deal of knowledge about this addiction through this forum and especially the F+F groups, she said that she was able to support me better because of what she had learned here. It may be of some help to you, I hope so.
I’m pleased you found the courage to post here. I just thought I’d post because I didn’t want you think nobody had read your post .