Today my partner told me he no longer felt the same about me. I knew, I have know in my heart for a while but I just hoped I was wrong. for a time I wondered if he was gambling again, I don’t believe it was the case but I didnt want to believe his feelings had changed. Perhaps it is down to the changes within himself in general, perhaps his heightened feelings for me last spring were down to the feel good factor of not gambling or as an escape from the urges or perhaps he has just fallen out of love me? I don’t know and he tells me he doesn’t either, he still loves me but not in the same way. I appreciate his honesty, I have been struggling for a while to get to the bottom of whats going on and knew things were coming to a head when he showed little enthusiasm for seeing me over christmas saying he needed time to recouperate and didnt want to drive.
I am not angry or disparing but I do feel really sad, I guess its grief in a way. He wants to stay friends but I am not ready for that switch yet, maybe in time. I don’t know where that leaves me regarding GT. I don’t know if it is possible for me to post as this is his place and I know it will hurt seeing his name pop up on the forum in the start page.
I’ll be fine of course, I’m a grown up but right now it hurts and I feel bereft sitting here looking at his unopened christmas gift. I am glad he was honest, no one wants to live a lie and I am glad he is taking responsibilty for his own feelings. I hope he continues his recovery as I am sure he will and moves forward making a happy and sucessful life. And of course I will keep my focus on taking care of me and moving forward with my life.
Life really throws out some curved balls sometimes though…….Lily x