Hi Timetogo
I am concerned that your husband has tried to isolate you from those who care about you, the addiction to gamble is divisive in families to obtain enablement; I hope that knowing this will help you seek the support that you deserve. I think it is best to just tell those who love you that your husband has an addiction as a statement, without inviting opinions which (in my experience) generally tend not to be very helpful.
I obviously can’t answer whether you love your husband anymore but I know it is possible to feel great anger and even loathing towards a CG who is wrecking your life and then later in recovery to find love. Only you can know or guess the likelihood of loving him if he entered a true recovery.
You are right that separation doesn’t bring freedom from the CG when there are children and of course this makes the actual separation even more unpleasant. Having said that some relationships create atmospheres that are not good for children and sometimes it is better to follow a different dream from the one you had. I was left with 3 very small children many years ago (nothing to do with gambling) and it was devastating for quite a long time but when I look back with hindsight I have no regrets.
Put yourself first Timetogo and don’t allow your husband’s addiction to control your happiness – every day give yourself time to do something that is good for you and ignore any barbed comments. Obviously if your children are very small this is more difficult but even taking them for a walk and seeing nature unfold around you or playing a game can blow the cobwebs from your mind. . Come out from the shadow of his addiction which is diminishing your life and allowing fear take over. See family and friends just to laugh about something that has nothing to do with gambling. Visualise a successful outcome of what ‘you’ want and your confidence will increase.
Keep posting Timetogo – getting the pain out in the open is a great way to find your recovery and know what is right for you and your children.
Velvet
