Hi CD Husband,
you know in 2000 I was studying at university and during my research I came across a website that was for the widows (wives) of gamers playing an online game called Everquest. These gamer’s were hard core..wouldn’t even leave the game to go to the toilet (they’d pee in a bottle!!). I’m not sure how much money is involved however the chemical reactions in the brain are the same as any other addiction. Here’s a web address for you, it may help regarding the gaming aspect too.
http://www.olganon.org/forum/i-need-help-spousessignificant-others-open-forum/everquest-widows-site
My relationship with my CG was co-dependent too as I have attachment issues. We spent our last night together a month ago today. We were together for 11 years. I started dissociating almost 3 years ago and last summer I spent a significant amount of time away from him. During that time I felt like I was de-toxing and withdrawing from him on all levels. The scene in the bedroom was dead for many years. Because of his gambling and associated behaviours (some of which happened outside of a gambling cycle) I ended up living in my bedroom!! However I digress, I too started to carve a life outside of the home for myself. I had to do something or I’d go mad. So for a few months there were no requests for money. It was a joy to spend my money on my self and treat myself to simple pleasures that I’d not enjoyed for many years. I thought perhaps he wasn’t gambling. I never asked him about his gambling because I didn’t want to get involved even though at the same time I was enabling him (he coerced money out of me). When I came home, I didn’t see him gamble (online ) for about 6/7 weeks and I thought things were turning a corner, I started to relax a bit but then the ‘demands/asks’ started again…..RELAPSE time. I made the decision to end the relationship. It was crucifying me to know that I had a part to play in his illness and at the same time, I was not protecting myself. I had to seek an external intervention and when the end came it wasn’t a pretty ending and it didn’t happen the way I wanted it too.. Everything that happened in our gambling relationship over 11 years ie all the ways he got money or I got for him through loans etc, happened over a 6 week period, so I truly hit my rock bottom (for the umpteenth time !!! ) I was at crisis point and had to take direct positive action for both him and I. I’ve felt pretty numb for the last month but have cried everyday. I did and probably still do love him but I love my self too and I deserve to live my life not just to exist as somebody else’s whipping post or personal ATM!! I’m starting to thaw now but am going through a grieving process for the relationship. But everyday I thaw, I have to be careful not spending too much time feeling sorry for him…I bring myself back to centre to remind myself why we can’t be in each others lives and what it would be like if he was to come back. When I cry they are tears of release not longing. I’ve cried every day and still have some crying left to do. Still it’s a full moon in Leo Friday/Saturday. I will perform a forgiveness and gratitude ceremony. My CG (May God protect him and guide him back to the right path) will be on the top of the list, but he will also be top of my Gratitude list. It is a magical full moon, full of new beginnings, so I’m taking time to reflect what new experiences/activities/routines do I want in my life.
It sounds to me like you know what your decision is, it’s just doing it, planning it, …I don’t know if you have abuse in your relationship but if there is, the most dangerous time in a relationship is when you leave it!!
I found the activities I started in September are sustaining me through this period.
Whatever you decide, it has to be right for you and you alone.
Good luck.x