Hi Ruthus
Steev has given you down very good advice.
You have a gambling addiction- you didn’t ask for it – and it’s horrible to feel driven to gamble when you really just want a normal life.
Steev is right – focus on not gambling but also on you. Have compassion for the person who has been trapped in this horrible gambling cycle, frightened of other finding out , trying to stop and trying to hide it, trying to win and devastated by losses, struggling to make ends meet while all the time deceived my the empty promise of a big win.
Have compassion for yourself and treat yourself with kindness . Accept all the help you can get and focus completely on stoping gambling – others things will fall back into place once you have the addiction under control.
Well done on seeking help and stay strong – you have a whole community here to support you x