Six months ago I never dreamt the country would be in lock-down.
I never dreamt that my son’s exams would be cancelled.
I never dreamt that I would be banned from seeing my mother and family.
I never dreamt that the future would be so uncertain.
While all this seems completely incredible I know there is something else I never dreamt would happen.
I had all but given up hope of ever being gamble free.
I felt this demon would possess me forever.
Deep inside I “knew” I was incapable of stopping.
The demon still possesses me but it’s power has weakened – or perhaps mine has strengthened.
It still waits for a moment of weakness and then it strikes but my barriers are good and it cannot get a hit.
Anyone who has been in the grip of gambling addiction understands what prison really is. Without the awful guilt, shame, regret, self- hatred and loss – self isolating for Corona is actually ok.
It’s boring but my brain no longer craves the intense highs and lows that gambling brought. It has learned to enjoy living life at a slower pace- on an even keel.
I am enjoying being at home- and just …being .