Dear Logic,
I’m glad that sharing some of my experience with you was useful to you.
It’s amazing to reflect and hear back the ‘your this, your that messages we project on to others and really we’re talking about ourselves.
After my first therapy session I reflected back on the gambling in our relationship wondering how the f*** did I get here. Then recently I’ve got into astrology and found gambling in my birth chart. (Of course always bet on the Grand National until the last few years and did the pools coupons in my teens) Well blow me down with a feather…. I did know he was a gambler before he moved in with me and when he moved in I don’t think he was active, certainly not online anyway….at some point he started doing football coupons on a Saturday and I ended up doing it with him for about a year, then we’d play the free online poker games…then at some point it started to turn sour…. when I think back to some of the things I tried to do to help him at various points of the relationship, different strategies including looking at astrology!!!
Our relationship was co-dependent too with me having attachment issues, so I know there’s things I need to look at too.
Let your CG be in denial of his problems, let him worry about it, actually you know this already, he’s not worrying at all because the gambling monster won’t let him. Gambling monster’s will to survive is greater…Don’t let your stuff equal out his stuff to put you back on the same footing. You know this already.
THe only question you need to ask your self and you’ve already done it is this, Do you want gambling in your life? When you ask the question it’s an easy answer it’s either yes or no.
The road out can take quite a while because of the emotional investment, but you are in a good position because you’re not living with CG and sounds like you have good circle of friends outside of gambling. Have you confided in any of your real life friends what’s going on?
Apologies if I sound preachy etc I know every relationship is different but the underlying processes and systems are the same.
Have a good day!