Day 11. (Technically day 12 started at 3:00 am) Thoughts come and go. I just have to train my brain to understand Gambling is just not an option for me. There is no such thing as only playing a little, only spending x amount of money etc etc. I have to train my brain to reflect on the chaos gambling causes. I have to look forward to a gambling free future. At times it seems impossible at other times it’s comical as it should be a really an easy decision “suffer more or suffer no more”. Last night I booked our yearly Spring trip to Mexico. I usually wait till after the holidays to book But found a really good deal that we could not pass. It made me sick to think that between my last two “relapses” I blew what would have paid for this trip twice. I will drive across town to save 2.00 but not think twice about feeding a machine, or table game etc hundreds even thousands of dollars. Uggh!! I hate to even think about it. I have said it before and failed but I will say it again. I NEVER want to experience another gambling hangover as long as I live. I see my direct deposit hit my bank. I will be making double car payment etc. I am not worried about blowing this check BUT i have to get something in place for the next time I get paid (end of month) so history does not repeat itself. Still no clue how to make it hard to get my hands on money. I was given some good ideas however none of them will work. Any other ideas please share. As they say “onward and upward.”
