Hi everyone,
Hope everyone is keeping safe, things are crazy at the moment with the pandemic and my heart goes out to everyone and their families.
With a happy heart I can report that I am still clean, my last little stint was Christmas Eve and it feels great to say in 2020 I haven’t gambled. Every year prior to this I would tell myself around this time that it’s almost your birthday (it is in April) and now if any don’t spend a year older living this life style and I almost desired to stop but for once I know my birthday wish will come true. My partner has been supportive and I am seeing a counselor once a month, I have self excluded from many places and my urges are less and less. I am still keeping an eye out on emotional triggers and tell myself when I do think about gambling that it is just a passing thought. Wow it has been over 10+ weeks and I have seen a major shift in my attitude, perspective and stress levels. My cash advances have all been paid and I now have one more larger loan that is interest free and an overdraft on an account I need to pay off and save. Not too concerned, my aim is to save what I can and when I have around 3-4000 dollars to pay off the overdraft and start to pay more towards the interest free loan. Given what is currently happening in the world, this plan may need to be suspended especially if I lose my job, I work for a start up company and if we are hit hard by the economy I believe in two months I will be jobless. This does not create fear like it would if I was still gambling and it gives me no desire to run to a pokies machine and try and win a few hundred dollars just in case, as that money can come in handy. All I can do is try and save as much as I can over the next couple of months, be smart and be open with my partner. He also may lose his job, we have even begun talking openly about what we would do if that happened. I am fortunate enough that he has savings and that we would be fine for three months if we were both became unemployed.
Some more happy news for me, my partner and I have just started trying for a baby and I have my fingers crossed (despite my age) that it won’t take too long to fall pregnant. Just knowing I can now bring a baby into the world who would never have any idea of how her mum use to live brings me joy and empowers me to keep at it and to keep being strong.
Chin up everyone, we will get through this together!