Woke up half an hour ago feeling drained with a sick feeling in my stomach thinking about the amount of money I lost in the space on half an hour. Looked at my bank balance, healthy enough,can come back from that terrible binge that has taken away my and my husband‘s hard work over the year. Showed my husband my bank balance and he felt better seeing that the damage was not irreparable. I cannot stop feeling, however, that l could have had a much healthier balance, and reached my 100k mark, had I not just squandered that money away. Every penny, I had learnt from an early age, every penny ought to be respected and earned honesty. I disrespected my hard work and my partners’. That’s hard to accept, hard to let go. I know I will eventually. I kept replaying the big wins in my head and imagined myself self excluding at that perfect moment. But no…. it ended how it ended with me 20k down. I hope the rest of the day brightens up and my mind settles. I am in the right place and things can only get better god willing.
