I have had situations in my life that created voids, CMC. I won’t use your thread to unleash the details. Suffice to say I inadvertently got involved in a “healing session” which resulted in a “water tap” being turned on behind my eyes and I cried for 3 days. This has happened twice in my life that I can recall. Another “downpour” happened after a very significant gambling loss in 2015.
Loss and separation seem to be recurring factors among many CGs
My compulsive gambling escalated after the breakup of a very close / forbidden/secret/unhealthy relationship.
Mr Slot replaced Mr Gimegime and so the abuse/control/manipulation continued for years.
Perhaps you need to revisit that era in your life with your counsellor and work through those emotions in a safe, less secret environment.
Do you dream a lot ? I found Dream Therapy very cathartic.
One thing for sure I can tell you ,CMC is that gambling solves done of these hurts. On the contrary, it compounds all our problems, culminating in abject self destruction.
“What you are aware of, you are in control of; what you are not aware of is in control of you”.
AWARENESS is the key to moving forward and dropping our attachments but it takes a lifetime.
Be aware!