I made it through but felt high anxiety. I have this male colleague who is sort of hot and cold with me but for whom I feel an attraction for. I prefer to avoid him altogether but today I bumped into him. Immediately all my supressed emotions came out. He’s the representation of all my supressed desires for love, bond and connection, as well as unresolved issues about accepting things I cannot have. I hate this attraction I feel, makes me feel like a teenage girl drooling over the hottest guy in school. It’s so shameful. I’m such a sucker. I need to get better, bring myself to a better place and start job searching again which is hard as good jobs are so scarce.
Anway, on my way to being gamble free third day in a row.
For now it’s rest, sleep, relaxation and an anti – anxiety pill for the afternoon. It’s a cold, windy and rainy day which is the perfect ambience for exactly that.