Jester, right when I needed you you are there. Thanks so much for your reply and also your honesty regarding how you are doing.
While it hurts my heart to hear your very familiar story with your recent relapse, and I’m gutted for you too, it makes me feel not alone and realise that having a support network is essential is helping us become gamble free and for good.
I managed to get some sleep after requesting for yet another self exclusion last night. Just like the last time I felt a huge sense of relief knowing that that particular account has now been dealt with. Back to the drawing board with my finances. I know if I work bloody hard and go without a few more things (like dating someone I’ve recently met who lives in a different city), then I should be able to re-save the 10k I’ve just lost in these last 3 weeks. Time to pull my finger out and get my life back under control!!!
You are right, the pressure of not having anyone I know in my daily life know what I’m going through is too much. I’ve tried to reach out to my best friend to tell him a few times as he was the one who knew about my windfall. But he never replies now as his new partner doesn’t want him having female friends and I don’t want to push to have him HAVE to listen. I want someone who WANTS to listen.
I have dinner tonight with a couple of friends who are husband and wife who also knew about my win. She made me promise a year ago that I would never gamble again so I’m not sure if I would have the strength to face her judgement if I told her. I’ll see how dinner goes tonight. I’m not well, I’ve lost weight, my eyes are full of exhaustion and I’m pretty sure they will be able to see that I’m not myself. Perhaps they will ask?
And after reading your words I have decided to book a private session with my councillor this week and skip the group session. I will tell him exactly what I’ve done and let tears of shame out if I need to.
Jester, I appreciate you. We are at day one, we can both do this. Let’s do it together, I’ve got your back. We are better than this and we can kick this to the curb and truly start to excel in life, with freedom choices.
I am with you, let’s go!