Hierarchy seems incredibly tied into the programming that leads into this addiction … I remember reading about abuse and layers of belittlement from the past that lead into weakness in addiction.
It really does seem to be a correlation of lapsing into inner states of powerlessness and vulnerability that correspond with feeling tempted to gamble. It’s always the same story from the past … the indulgence and feeling of being totally weak and helpless on a torture rack (metaphorically/image wise that is — but reflective of real states of powerlessness) …
I don’t know why but as a kid I was just drawn into fictional characters that were put into situations of being tortured/captured with no way out and struggling against the odds … this addictive state of struggling against the odds … instead of taking the odds and re-arranging them to be favorable.
My mind and body tend to constantly want to reset to old pattern states of struggle (or be influenced subconsciously to do so) … struggle and life being a struggle are a hardwired addiction … I see this for what it is … but many don’t.
There is always deeper happiness and enjoyment buried under these recurring addictive emotional patterns … a deeper joy and enjoyment of life … underneath the imposed sense of always having to struggle … the negative spiral gambling takes advantage of.
It is the wool pulled over my eyes … it is the facade of my existence … the past and stories given to me as true and those who dwell from it and in it …
The top of the back of my head (long term memory?) is always where I feel an energetic pull when it comes to cravings to gamble or to get more involved …. I keep re-wording it in different ways ….
Gambling tells me I’m weak and insane … but that’s what gambling is. Gambling is weak and insane … I am whole and true within.
It never ceases to amaze me the way this “other being” of gambling just exists in this endless sea of lies where everything good is made out to be bad and every action that leads to guaranteed loss in the end is made out to be the “proper course” at the time. False assurance, false alignment, false satisfaction, false everything.
Going through a gambling addiction is like renting a space with a pathological liar for a roommate … some times I see metaphorical imagery reflecting my involvement or lackthereof in gambling and representations of this thing called gambling that is so full of lies …
Picking up the pieces …