Okay,
So to update, in spite of some really deep struggling emotions I’ve felt during this sort of “withdrawal” from just diving into markets placing on highest bets … what I’ve been doing here and writing about has been working.
I’m reading quotes every day that remind me about the importance of risk management/not being compulsive with money. I’ve articulated a desire to end all forms of gambling — as well as being split between ending trading all together or turning it into what a small % do; a risk controlled approach that removes their impulses to do something that is gambling as an option. Gambling defined as random action random outcome; compulsive.
I’m exploring both, and benefitting from both. I’m feeling psychologically less endangered and my decision making with my money is more productive and conservative. I took another slice from my trade earlier this week and put it toward my student loans — I’ve been shifting my focus away from the “infinite building” mentality with markets and into the desire to get out of debt (no credit card debt now — just student loan).
I’ve also had days where I’ve had no involvement with markets and have logged onto here to journal about the cravings to get away from them/the intense emotions felt. These days have been joyous, while carrying with them a somber undertone of the withdrawal of not compulsively going to look at randomly fluctuating prices or making decisions based on randomness and the addictive thrill gambling creates.
Do I feel sure of which approach is right for me? Not yet. I’m fully aware that for most compulsive gamblers, total abstinence is required. For now my focus is on turning each of my situations into non-random/gamble based ones where it’s up in the air what could happen and embrace the emotional connection to stability … as i see myself taking these actions I’m feeling deeper connection and safety inside my being.
There’s plenty more work to do and discover. For now, writing deeply about and getting out of that deep deep spiderweb of fear/depression/insanity paralysis that precedes and activates a desire to gamble is enormously relieving … I’m incredibly grateful to everyone here.
Let’s continue to write and make every day gamble free!