Hi Hazel
Well done starting your thread, I know how difficult it is to write the first post.
I am not surprised you are confused and hurt; you will almost certainly have been trying to make sense of the senseless and going round and round in circles.
Shattered trust takes time to build but it can be rebuilt when an honest gamble-free life is seen to be being lived. You have done the best thing to help your husband by coming here and starting your thread. He will be ashamed of what he is doing; he will feel out of control and worthless so he lies to protect himself and his possible addiction.
Those are the simple answers to your questions, taking them in, understanding what they mean and deciding what you want to do is more difficult, however by posting here you will gain knowledge to help you cope and make informed decisions.
When you gave your husband an ultimatum before you got married I suspect he knew you would carry it out which gave him the incentive to turn his life around and live a gamble-free for a couple of years – the good thing about this being that he knows he can do it. However if (as seems possible) your husband is a compulsive gambler he probably dry gambled in that time and although he abstained from physically indulging his addiction he didn’t control it. Dry gambling means that the gambler gambles in his mind which keeps the addiction alive until something triggers it and the cycle of addiction starts again. The forthcoming responsibility of being a father could be such a trigger although it could also be many other things.
Does he accept now that he has a problem?
Maybe it would help if you down loaded the 20 questions from the Gamblers Anonymous web site – a compulsive gambler will answer yes to at least 7 questions. If your husband does answer yes 7 times there is a lot of support available for him and there are many things that you can do to help you cope.
I will leave my first reply to you there a wait for your reply.
Velvet
