Hi TS
Your husband’s actions are unacceptable and I fully appreciate your anger and pain.
With rehab and GA behind him I suspect will feel the effects of this fall very heavily and although it feels like it is the old behaviour all over again it might not be so. Slips are not necessarily the return to old behaviour, they can frighten the CG so much it strengthens the resolve to live decently and gamble-free.
Please don’t think I am trying to say roll over, forgive and forget because I am not.
Have you had good times together in the last year or has it been difficult for you? Did you have support for you when he was in rehab and since he came home? Did you know what to expect from him and did you like the change in him when he entered recovery?
Early recoveries are tough for both the CG and F&F. CGs change when they enter recovery and the changes are not always the ones that those who love them like. This is nobody’s fault but lack of support leaves loved ones in the dark about what is going on.
I will leave this for now as it is late but I will write to you again tomorrow. I do not believe you should have to go through this again and again but I hope you can find the strength to listen to your husband when he returns because hopefully you will not hear the same as you have heard before. He can seek support from where he was in rehab; he can talk to our Helpline where he will be understood; he can, if he wants to enough, live a true gamble-free life. He sounds as though there are many things he should be discussing with those who can help him. Only you can know if this is really the end of the line for you. Only you know whether or not this is the man with whom you would walk the extra mile – provided he really embraces a true recovery.
Speak soon
Velvet
