Hi Twh
Welcome from me to GT, your story was not long so it was easy to reach the end – well done writing it.
Giving cash to a CG (compulsive gambler) is the same as giving a drink to an alcoholic so I am interested in why your boyfriend’s father gives him $20 a day because this is definitely not a mere amount to give to an active gambler.
It is a shame that your boyfriend’s supervisor enabled your boyfriend’s addiction when he ‘lent’ him money to cover gambling debts. The addiction to gamble is demanding and this action, which you deemed ‘kind’ was sadly nothing of the kind. I sincerely hope he gets all his money back because CGs need to gamble and repayment of debts is always something that is resented because it gets in the way of further gambling.
I am concerned that you lent his family money and suggest to you that lending money is often a mistake. It was obviously a caring act that meant you lent this money which tells me you are a very caring person and ‘caring’ is a quality that CGs value in their loved ones. I am really glad to read that your boyfriend has never asked you for money and I hope this means you have never lent him, or given him, any either.
I understand why you forgive your boyfriend but I am afraid forgiveness is the last thing he needs. As an active CG he will always be poor; his addiction means he will always lose unless and until he seeks treatment, so he will always be chasing his debts and owing more and more. The addiction to gamble gets worse, never better, without treatment. His apologies and tears count for nothing unless he seeks real help. Don’t allow yourself to be immune to the pain, it is the pain that will keep you on your toes and help you make the informed decisions that are right for you.
It is important for you to understand that you cannot save your boyfriend. This is no reflection on you; it is true or everybody who loves a CG. Only the CG can save himself and he has to want to do so. The person you should be considering most is yourself – I think it is very important that you learn as much as possible about the addiction to gamble because knowledge will give you power over it.
Compulsive gambling has nothing to do with money, it is all about the ‘gamble’ and to help you understand a little more, I have brought up my thread entitled ‘The F&F Cycle’.
I hope you have a supportive family and friends. It is important that you keep your friends, your interests and your hobbies and that you don’t lost yourself in his addictive world.
I think you are right when you wonder if your future will be happy – it is very mature of you to realise that your happiness is threatened by this addiction.
I suggest you keep posting here and reading other threads. I wouldn’t be writing to you now if I didn’t know that the addiction to gamble can be controlled but it takes tremendous courage and determination on the part of the CG. There has to be tremendous understanding and courage from those who love them too if a relationship is to have any hope of success.
Speak soon
Velvet
