Day 6. Been up since 3am. I

Day 6. Been up since 3am. I was thinking yesterday ….. there really is a simple solution.. “drink the poison and slowly die” “don’t drink the poison and live”. Choose Satan’s will for my life or choose Gods will for my life” it all comes down to a simple choice….. Why have I made the wrong one for so many years?? Why am I so afraid of making the wrong choice again? Why can’t I live for today vs worry about next month, 3 months 6 months etc. I overwhelm myself with being afraid that history will someday repeat itself. I pray the ending will be different this time. “I can do all things through Christ who Strengthens me”