Thanks for posting again. You said ” I went right back firing huge hands when I said I would have better willpower and know when to walk.”
That was my addiction in a nutshell – I am POWERLESS over gambling – I don’t have the will power and there is no point in my testing it. Okay occasionally in the past I have walked away when I was up and felt good about myself for a few days or weeks even … but it doesn’t last. Whenever I went back I would eventually lose and usually lose heavily.
You are experiencing what I experienced. As I think I have said before, the only answer is to put the effort into recovery that is put into our gambling. Good that you have come clean to your girlfriend. Are you ready (and is she willing) for her to handle your finances, because you seem to have very easy access to money. When you go to GA – can she go to GAMANON as well – so that she knows how it is to be with a gambler. She will get the support SHE needs to be with you.
You completed over 100 days gamble free which is no mean feat. Feel proud of that and build on it next time. Put barriers in place – bar yourself from the places where you might gamble. Get as much help and advice from GA and from the forums and groups here. Keep posting and I hope you are gf for good.