Hi Jenny
I am so pleased to see you posting again – I had begun to think that you had read the ‘less-than-helpful’ posts and decided to leave. Over the years many of our friends from ‘My Journal’ have popped in to our forum with support and they have been and will be very welcome however, I am glad this episode is now over and we can move on.
You are doing what is right for you and your daughter, you are also doing what is right for your ex husband but he will only see that when he controls his addiction. As my CG told me – I did everything wrong for all the right reasons, it was only when I changed and did things that didn’t necessarily feel right for me at first that anything changed at all.
Pot noodles, soup and porridge were perfect for a starving man – well done. I don’t read his words on social media as you do; I find them very sad and lacking in hope. I think he is bolstering himself up by saying, ‘look at me – I’m doing alright’, when he must be feeling failure every day.
Unfortunately his family’s unhelpful comments probably can’t be deleted. You can possibly ignore them or maybe tell them once and for all that they are not helping anybody – least of all their son. I think it is good to write down under headings what you are prepared to say when you are feeling good, stick to the script and don’t get involved in their needs and justifications, which do nothing for you, or in fact their son. Perhaps something along the lines of ‘when you are prepared to stop justifying Fred’s addiction I will be only too pleased to talk to you…………. but until then I will have to end this call now’
Families often close your eyes hoping the problem will go away but you know it will not. Of course you are not being harsh when you feel your ex should have contributed towards his daughter’s costume, just as you are not being harsh refusing to communicate with his family as long as they are in denial and hurting you further.
There are many lovely blogs such as the one you read. This one was also written by a CG but I think it works well for us too. I hope you like it and I hope I ‘see’ you tonight.
One day a farmer’s donkey fell down into a well.
The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway
It just wasn’t worth it to retrieve the donkey.
He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him.
They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.
At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly.
Then, to everyone’s amazement he quietened down
A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well.
He was astonished at what he saw.
With each shovel of dirt that hit his back
the donkey was doing something amazing
He would shake it off and take a step up.
As the farmer’s neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal,
he would shake it off and take a step up.
Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey
stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt.
The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up.
Each of our troubles is a stepping stone.
We can get out of the deepest well by standing still.
So dust yourself down and know that you are going right way – up.
Velvet