I think you are going through the sorts of feelings and questionings that are very normal when you live with someone with a gambling problem/addiction. You are no doubt feeling extremely stressed by this situation, but it does not mean that you are losing your mind.
Indeed your mother ‘should’ be able to take care of herself; sadly an addiction changes things and people lose that sense of adult responsibility. Your mother did not intend to become an addict, but it looks like she is now in the grips of this particular addiction. She will need help from outside to get into recovery. She will also need to come to a recognition that she has a problem and to reach a place within herself where she wants to change.
Meanwhile, it is important that you concentrate more on looking after yourself. Most partners, parents, siblings and adult children of addicts reach a place where they become focussed on the needs of the one they love, who has the addiction. It probably seems counter-intuitive to take that focus away from the ‘other’ and over to yourself. But it is the way to begin making a better life for YOU. You will hold on to hope for your mother’s recovery, but that is a choice in her gift, not yours. Your active choice can be to look after your own needs, draw safe boundaries around your own physical, mental and emotional well-being and protect your finances.
There is a lot in there to work on. Here at GT, there is support to help you get to a better place within yourself. Please make use of all the services that can provide that support – there is a live advice line, there is this Forum (read and post as much as you like, you should receive suggestions, concern, emotional and practical support)) and use the Support Groups. There are groups specifically for Family and Friends (F&F), as well as mixed groups.
Share as much as you feel able and we hope to offer you something beneficial.
Looking forward to hearing more of your story.
Best wishes,
Monique