Hi M
In my experience M patterns can change, he will change his pattern to ‘fit’ what is the beginning of your new found learning, his ways of gaining enablement will become more crafty, the lies get bigger, the debts get bigger, the addiction becomes more sneaky and it gets stronger.
I guess no – one knows whether he has gambled or not but I can tell you quite sincerely that the scenarios you describe along with his behaviour could just as easily have described my ex partners antics – almost text book or should I say “The Guinness Book of Lies and manipulation”
He will be picking up on small changes in you, whether or not you recognise that you are getting stronger or not, he will and his addiction will begin to feel a tad threatened by that ! hence the possible changes in patterns – if we can see the changes in you, why wouldn’t he.
In one of your earlier posts you mention your need to be loved by and exchange love with another person, although you don’t say specifically him. I am wondering whether or not this is what holds you within such a destructive relaitionship. Is the fear of being alone more daunting than continuing with this situation? Do you enable because maybe you fear he will reject you if you don’t? The reason I mention these things is not that I am analysing you as such but that they were issues that I had to face within myself, once I was able to shift my focus from why is he doing xy and Z to why am I putting up with it, things truly began to change, all be it still slowly.
what do you think he would do if you flatly refuse to give him any money – end the relaitionship? because if he did what would you lose ?
You are getting stronger and sooner or later you will put it all into practice – when you are ready and in your own time
Jenny