I am one of the Volunteer staff at GT. I have been looking at your posts. I’m sorry that you are feeling lonely right now, but am also glad that you are able to write so clearly and fully about what you are going through. Sometimes just getting it all out of your mind into words on paper/screen can bring some relief and also a measure of clarity.
But you need some warm and understanding responses too, so I hope maybe there will soon be more communication with you. It is useful to read other experiences too, as you have found. And, all that you have written will help someone else – remember that, too, and know you often help others even as you look for help for yourself.
Again, I would reiterate that message about ‘looking after you’ – try to turn your thinking around to what you need to make things better and healthier in your life; make your needs a priority – it is not selfish, even though we often think it is. As you have found, keeping the focus on the cg means you are trying to manage someone who is not choosing to be managed by you, so you actually can’t help him – or strengthen yourself, but when you focus on what is truly best for you, you have some sense of control and ultimately you will be more able to support your loved one. I know you know this, but maybe you need to be encouraged once more.
You seem very brave and kind and you deserve to live well. Yes, every life is unique, so no one else can tell you exactly what to do in your situation, but, yes, there are patterns and guidelines etc that are useful to us all. When you think of choices etc, think of what gives you most peace.
Of course, you most want your cg not to gamble and suffer the consequences, but work on the choices that you can make realistically, not the dreams that are someone else’s responsibility.
Are you able to access any of the support groups – times listed under support groups?
I wish you well.
Monique
Thinking of you.